


The Moment-B'Elanna

by starbender



Series: Broken Beginnings [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s03e14 Alter Ego, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbender/pseuds/starbender
Summary: The Moment B'Elanna realizes she is in love with Tom





	

Marayna’s nebula faded into the distance. B’Elanna should be in engineering overseeing the damage, but she wanted to be on the bridge when Voyager resumed the course for home. She sat at her station, her fingers on the console, doing her best to ignore the information crawling across the panel, reminding her to go below and join her team.

The view screen displayed normal space. After every adventure a sense of calm would spread through the ship, replenishing each crew member with new energy. This time it didn't reach B’Elanna. Something about this whole incident left her uneasy. The injuries to her throat and neck no longer bothered her, but her arms still ached from fighting off that possessed holographic dancer. Memories of their last misadventure refused to go away.

“I’m glad that’s over,” Harry said. B’Elanna couldn’t mentally castigate Harry over his lack of tact considering all the troubles her own mouth caused at times. Not knowing what she expected, she risked a glance at Tuvok. The Vulcan appeared to be as stoic as ever.

The Captain, Chakotay, and all the rest of the officers went back to their duties. The ambient noise, the gentle murmur of whispers, even the movements of the crew resumed their clockwork rhythm, except for Tom. He always looked more relaxed than anyone on the bridge while up there at the helm. From her position, B’Elanna had a clear view of the pilot. Casually swinging his chair over to the navigational side, Tom entered something in the system, and then swung back around to the conn. He could have been on a carnival ride. She shifted in her seat, briefly considering staying her on the bridge for the rest of her shift. No one would question her choice out loud because she could easily monitor the work from her present position, but she knew they would secretly wonder why she was here. She had no answer for that herself.

She was a Starfleet Engineer. She had responsibilities. “Time for me to go below,” she said. The Captain, studying something on a pad, nodded in her general direction. No one else took note except Tom. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he sent her a good-natured grin.

Inside the turbo lift, she continued to resist the pull to stay. Did she consider the bridge a safe place? She immediately dismissed that idea. She was no safer there than anyplace else on the ship.

As she approached engineering the doors parted and walking with determined steps she entered her department, which was brightly lit. Everyone not monitoring a console was working in front of an open panel. No one stopped when she entered, except Joe Carey, who gave her a report of their progress so far. Minor damage, repairs on schedule. He offered a few suggestions, which she approved. He returned to work while B'Elanna retreated to her upper workstation. From here she monitored their progress and the rest of the ship’s operations, but images from that fight on the holodeck kept distracting her. 

A few hours later B’Elanna reported to the captain via the com system. Repairs complete. Voyager could resume normal operations. Still no matter how much she threw herself into her work, that ‘thing’ haunted her all morning. Time passed and eventually she heard the soft ding of the chronometer announcing her break time.

 Passing the holodeck on the way to mess hall she noticed the resort program still running. Maybe what she was feeling was some weird form of post-traumatic stress? There was one way to find out. Inside the holodeck, the resort was the same as it had been. Scantily clad holo-characters wandered about, talking to the crew and sharing drinks with them. A group played a game at the edge of the water. No flashbacks of sudden terror, not even when a dancer walked toward her with a lei. B’Elanna waved off allowing the dancer to place it around her neck, opting instead to take it from her so she could hold it out in front of her and study it. Apart from being a would-be murder weapon, did it symbolize something? Flowers, strength- 

“Visiting the scene of the crime?” The sound caused her to jump. Tom had somehow managed to sneak up on her. B'Elanna flushed, feeling angry at herself for being startled. She wanted to stuff the lei away somewhere even though there was no reason to. She knew her reaction, her red face, everything would come across as awkward, and for the first time in a long time, that bothered her.

When she didn’t answer he took the flower necklace from her, giving it a careful examination. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you. I was just joking. Are you alright?” His voice turned gentle. He would notice everything. B'Elanna couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “Maybe it’s not a good idea for you to be here so soon after everything happened,” he continued. “That was a tense situation we got caught up in, it’s only normal to feel some kind of after effects. Maybe Chakotay or Tuvok could help…”

“No, I’ll be alright. I was just thinking how we could prevent something like that from happening again. I mean, there should be some kind of backdoor command we could program.” She congratulated herself for coming up with the idea on the spur of the moment. She forced herself to look at him. He creased his forehead and set his lips in a hard straight line. He didn’t seem to be convinced.

“I’m sure that between you and Harry, you can come up with something,” he said. “Are you sure you’re ok? You look kind of…”

“I said I’m ok!” B'Elanna snapped. Tom took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender as the lei dangled from the fingers of his right hand.

“Ok. I believe you.” He let his hands fall back down to his sides. “I want to say one thing and I promise I won’t mention it again. I’m grateful for your Klingon genes. When that character attacked you--and I couldn’t get to you…” 

_And I couldn’t get to you either. I watched you get thrown down and beaten and I couldn’t help you. I wanted to save you. I can’t imagine my life without you…._

B’Elanna’s thoughts rushed through her brain like a runaway shuttle, causing her to lose herself in the moment. A hard truth hit her. B’Elanna wanted to stay on the bridge because Tom was there and she wanted to be where he was, even it meant staring at him while he played with the controls. She didn't want to be in a place where he was beyond her reach.

She sat down hard on the ledge of a nearby large brick planter. Tom knelt beside her, taking her hand. “I know you like to come across as tough, and not needing anyone,” he said. “And most of the time, that’s true, but even the toughest person can reach a breaking point. I think you should go see Chakotay and…”

“I told you I’m fine!” B’Elanna snapped. He didn’t seem to be offended by her outburst. He was still holding her hand. She allowed herself a moment to experiencing the pressure of his warm skin against hers. She should snatch it away. She should leave, but she couldn’t. She wanted to hold onto him just a little longer. There was no need to be mean to him. She wanted to keep him there, safe beside her, but the fact that he was focused on something that had nothing to do with what was actually going on was both irritating, and a relief. Taking a deep breath B'Elanna continued. “Maybe, maybe you’re right,” she said, deliberately softening her voice. “That experience did affect me, in ways I didn’t expect.”

_I love you. I didn’t know it until I thought I was going to lose you…_

The sun was shining in the exact right position to highlight his eyes, his hair, everything good about him. From somewhere deep inside an urge to bite him on the cheek surfaced. Her Klingon side knew what was happening and accepted it. This time, her human half was putting up a fight. For a moment she was perfectly balanced between desire and fear.

“I'll talk to Chakotay. I promise.” She would. B’Elanna would talk to him about some petty personal issues she was having with her crew, so the next time she saw Tom, she could tell him she had ‘talked’ to Chakotay. Then things would go back to the way they were. She would not spend time on the bridge when it wasn’t necessary, just to be close to him, nor would she look up his schedule to see where he was and what he was doing. No more inviting herself to sit beside him in the mess hall. B'Elanna couldn't let her guard down because her more aggressive side might slip out. The Klingon part of her wanted to drown herself in his essence but that couldn't happen. If he ever her saw that side of her--she didn't want to think about it. The Klingon in her argued back that she needed to do all those things if she was determined to protect him. 

“Ok. Just take care of yourself, ok? And I’m here if you need anything.” In one swift moment, Tom managed to remove his hand while offering back the lei. “I’ve got to get back to the bridge. Maybe I’ll see you in the mess hall this evening?”

B’Elanna nodded, taking the lei, holding onto it as she watched him leave the resort. 

_This can’t be happening. People don’t fall in love like this._ B’Elanna’s hands gripped the flowers so hard she hurt herself. A riot of emotions released inside her. Fear of abandonment, fear of everything, in turn, countered by the joy she felt as Tom held her hand, asked about her well being, and his invitation to see her this evening. 

_This is happening._ B'Elanna didn’t know what to do about it but judging from past experience she would hold the truth close. She might even manage to convince herself it wasn’t real. She didn't know how things would turn out but B'Elanna already knew, like everything else in her life, love would be a struggle.


End file.
